The dead of midnight is the noon of thought.

Just finished watching internal affairs 3. Honestly speaking, I don't really understand the show. It's kind of complicated....It sets me thinking deeply. Sometimes I really think that our brain is a very complex thing. If given a chance I might want to try out psychology. I really want to know what sets my brain thinking.

These few weeks have been really tiring,stressful and demanding. After all, poly life is not as fun as I thought. In fact, it's more stressful then I thought. Projects and the weekly tutorials is a chore. Perhaps I'm just not used to it. My friends seem to be coping well. The preview before our actual presentation has been robust and direct. Lecturers are not going to spoon feed you and you will have to do a lot of independant learning and research. All I got is:"out of point, pls redo".

It's just only the 5th week and I could barely cope with it. How are things going to be like in the 2nd year or third year itself? Will things get better or worsen? Have been sleeping late for the past one week. Packed with driving practical and CCA. Thoughts have been running through my mind about the reality in life. I once heard of a descripition called the rat race. It's talking about human being trapped in a cycle. It's like a hamster in the running cycle or whatever you call it. We have been trapped in the cycle of a series of happenings. You go to kindergarden, primary school, secondary school and then polytechnic. And it goes on......The higher you climb or the longer you walk, the more you are afraid to stop. I think they call it the status quo, it's the relutancy to change the state of affairs without good reasons. It caused by the fear of losing. When I went into ITE, i aimed to top the cohort so that i could get into poly to do the course that i wanted. I did it and I'm in poly now. I thought that when i got into poly, i could slack down. But the fact is that I couldn't slow down when everybody are moving fast. You will have to follow the pace. Maybe I am just thinking way too far but I asked myself where is the stop line for me. I always used this scenario to describe. After you have completed a 2.4km run and thought you could have a rest, they tell you: "hey, you will have to run another 4.8km." It will be devastating. So hopefully I didn't take the wrong path. I will continue walking and see where it will lead me to.

Sounds abit emotional..But the fact is these are cold hard facts. I have been reflecting on this issue lately. If only i have the chance to speak to somebody who is really sucessful in what they are doing. I will ask them is all the sacrifices worth it?